I've HAD IT!

With Cancer!!!!

Christ Almighty, it's totally freaking ripping our family apart mentally and emotionally!  My Dad now has only God KNOWS how much longer to live, and it's killing me!  I have never seen him this bad.  Usually he has his bad days, but relapses and feels great the next.  No. Even THAT isn't happening at this point.  His whole body is becoming more yellow (from his liver not functioning correctly), his eyes are becoming glassy, he's forgetting who I AM for God's sake! He realizes it is me, still-- but at some points, he asks who's right above him by the bed, when I am right there talking to him.  His vision is going. His hearing is DEFINITELY going. His body..... has become so skinny that it breaks my heart.

I hate having to accept the fact that he's close to death... that it'll just creep up onto him, and he can't fight it.  He can't even lift his head that high anymore.... and he always sleeps.   I just don't know what to do. 
If God is going to take him soon.... I pray in my heart that he doesn't go with a tremendous amount of pain.  That he'll close his eyes, Hospice will do their thing, and he'll pass peacefully. In my heart, I KNOW that it won't be much longer, now.... if he makes it to July, I will truly be shocked.  I don't see that happening.  Mom doesn't either... and I think in his heart, he doesn't, as well.
Keep the prayers going, everyone-- I really appreciate it!


-Wendy R. Berry