LOVE this movie. :) <3 So inspiring and wonderful!
This Blog is to currently inform all of you followers about my life currently, after the loss of my amazing Dad, Bear. Personal and spiritual, happy and sad. Good and bad. It's my blog, and a side of my Aspieness that most don't get to experience- unless they truly know me. Well- through this, you'll get to know me. For who I truly am. The Aspie Girl.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
With a new Day comes New Beginnings.
He is not going to control me.
Not now, and never, ever again.
Every day I get stronger.
My Heavenly Father loves me.
My mother loves me.
My counselor, church, etc love me.
It was NOT my fault.
<3
I just have to remind myself of that everyday, and anticipate justice to be served.
Plus, I am so grateful to be alive and for the things in my life!
RELAY FOR LIFE!! :D
<3
yes.
That is all. :)
I am going to stay positive, dang it!
WATCH ME.
Not now, and never, ever again.
Every day I get stronger.
My Heavenly Father loves me.
My mother loves me.
My counselor, church, etc love me.
It was NOT my fault.
<3
I just have to remind myself of that everyday, and anticipate justice to be served.
Plus, I am so grateful to be alive and for the things in my life!
RELAY FOR LIFE!! :D
<3
yes.
That is all. :)
I am going to stay positive, dang it!
WATCH ME.
I'm falling asleep, but I had to post this poem....
Why
Why, oh why can't you see?
Justice, hath become thine enemy.
He wanted this to happen
Do you have no vision?
How many times
How many cries of despair
Until you realize
He was there.
He raped me.
He didn't care?
Such a happy young woman
Her hopes and dreams soaring high
Until you damaged her to the core
Breaking her wings
So that she cannot fly.
So much anger, so much fear
He stole it from her- something so dear.
But, why?
Had she done anything?
No, she had just met the guy
He seemed charming and sweet
Little did she see- she'd be in total defeat.
Her mother had even met him
HOW could her vision have been so dim?
Oh, beautiful girl, it was not your fault
"No" escaping from your lips
This was quick and sharp
Just like the taste of salt.
Paralyzed with fear, his hands on her hips.
"Maybe I can change your mind about going the whole way."
"NO!" But he did not listen, not today.
Please just stop, she pleads and begs
But he does not care or listen
The pain searing between her legs
This isn't happening to her
This is a dream- she cannot begin to decipher.
What the hell is happening here?
Will you fight back? No. She's in fear.
The assault lasts only thirty minutes long
That cannot be right, it has to be wrong.
Realization hits her like a jagged brick
She had been lured into his trick.
She had been paralyzed in fear
Feeling as though her mouth was taped
God.... she had been raped!
Why did this have to happen?
The thought is so sick
She was now 1 in 6
She was a tragic statistic.
There was no way she knew this would occur
Emotions filling her stomach, it happened to her.
It all happened so fast, to her it was a blur.
After the gruelling interview
She finally heads to the hospital
Her fear leaves her cold to the core
She'd never experienced this before.
The examination was ok and fine
But the rape test and pill crossed the line.
She just wanted it to all go away. Damn dream.
But, it was not a dream
Rather, a nightmare
Her rapist didn't even care!
Because of him, she felt depressed and alone
Her heart, had turned to cold concrete stone.
It was just a bad, bad dream.
Losing sense of reality- life is no longer as it would seem.
2 months later
Mid November
The Detective tells her not to stress.
But she cannot- she's a total mess.
What happened to the P.A. interview?
Was she going to ignore it
And push it under the rug, too?
Residents have not the slightest clue
How could they- when it doesn't happen to you?
She concentrates on trying to level the field
Her wall, is now becoming her metal shield.
She is armed and ready for battle
He's a cowboy?
She'll knock down and crush that saddle.
Get ready
Get set
Go, go go.
The battle has begun
So demand an encore of the show.
Why, oh why can't you see?
Justice, hath become thine enemy.
He wanted this to happen
Do you have no vision?
How many times
How many cries of despair
Until you realize
He was there.
He raped me.
He didn't care?
Such a happy young woman
Her hopes and dreams soaring high
Until you damaged her to the core
Breaking her wings
So that she cannot fly.
So much anger, so much fear
He stole it from her- something so dear.
But, why?
Had she done anything?
No, she had just met the guy
He seemed charming and sweet
Little did she see- she'd be in total defeat.
Her mother had even met him
HOW could her vision have been so dim?
Oh, beautiful girl, it was not your fault
"No" escaping from your lips
This was quick and sharp
Just like the taste of salt.
Paralyzed with fear, his hands on her hips.
"Maybe I can change your mind about going the whole way."
"NO!" But he did not listen, not today.
Please just stop, she pleads and begs
But he does not care or listen
The pain searing between her legs
This isn't happening to her
This is a dream- she cannot begin to decipher.
What the hell is happening here?
Will you fight back? No. She's in fear.
The assault lasts only thirty minutes long
That cannot be right, it has to be wrong.
Realization hits her like a jagged brick
She had been lured into his trick.
She had been paralyzed in fear
Feeling as though her mouth was taped
God.... she had been raped!
Why did this have to happen?
The thought is so sick
She was now 1 in 6
She was a tragic statistic.
There was no way she knew this would occur
Emotions filling her stomach, it happened to her.
It all happened so fast, to her it was a blur.
After the gruelling interview
She finally heads to the hospital
Her fear leaves her cold to the core
She'd never experienced this before.
The examination was ok and fine
But the rape test and pill crossed the line.
She just wanted it to all go away. Damn dream.
But, it was not a dream
Rather, a nightmare
Her rapist didn't even care!
Because of him, she felt depressed and alone
Her heart, had turned to cold concrete stone.
It was just a bad, bad dream.
Losing sense of reality- life is no longer as it would seem.
2 months later
Mid November
The Detective tells her not to stress.
But she cannot- she's a total mess.
What happened to the P.A. interview?
Was she going to ignore it
And push it under the rug, too?
Residents have not the slightest clue
How could they- when it doesn't happen to you?
She concentrates on trying to level the field
Her wall, is now becoming her metal shield.
She is armed and ready for battle
He's a cowboy?
She'll knock down and crush that saddle.
Get ready
Get set
Go, go go.
The battle has begun
So demand an encore of the show.
The Healing Has Begun. You have NOT Won...
It's true. That night, what happened to me...
I can't forget it so easily. This is another one of my poems
Free verse this time. Just another tidbit to help you see how I view things.
-W.R. Berry
You smile, living life without any care in the world.
How could you, when you’ve done something like this?
How can you even begin to act as though it never existed?
I have to remember every single day what happened.
You rape my memory, just like you raped me that night.
Had you planned this? Had you just acted out your lust?
It feels as though time never heals.
It feels as though time never heals.
But you, you will never see me shed my tears
As those tears fall from my aquamarine blue eyes
You will not even begin to see that happen.
Of course you don’t care- you never did.
Who gave you fucking permission?
Who gave you the right to violate me?
To smile, no matter how much I begged you to stop
And be satisfied?
I’m not the one fucked up.
No no. Sweetie, that is you.
This is all of your fault.
When I say “I’m fine” to people
I am completely full of shit.
But they believe me anyway
Except those who know the truth.
They know just who you are.
I put up this wall for a reason.
I am NOT going to let you knock it down!
Damn it, I have worked hard to maintain my sanity.
Every damn day is a battle with myself.
A battle to stay positive.
Toss out the bad, and bring in the good.
Hit a punching bag with all of my power.
Say “FUCK YOU!” over and over again to the mirror.
You will not see the tears I cry.
No. Not until, and if this makes it to trial.
If it does, you’re going to be sorry as hell.
If it doesn’t, I still won’t let you win.
You will not even begin to see that happen.
Of course you don’t care- you never did.
Who gave you fucking permission?
Who gave you the right to violate me?
To smile, no matter how much I begged you to stop
And be satisfied?
I’m not the one fucked up.
No no. Sweetie, that is you.
This is all of your fault.
When I say “I’m fine” to people
I am completely full of shit.
But they believe me anyway
Except those who know the truth.
They know just who you are.
I put up this wall for a reason.
I am NOT going to let you knock it down!
Damn it, I have worked hard to maintain my sanity.
Every damn day is a battle with myself.
A battle to stay positive.
Toss out the bad, and bring in the good.
Hit a punching bag with all of my power.
Say “FUCK YOU!” over and over again to the mirror.
You will not see the tears I cry.
No. Not until, and if this makes it to trial.
If it does, you’re going to be sorry as hell.
If it doesn’t, I still won’t let you win.
You see, you fucking scumbag
You lose, either way.
You are fucked, either way.
And I pray with every ounce of my being
That the next woman you harm reports your ass.
It won’t be likely…. you just have a way of manipulation.
“This won’t happen again.”
No fucking shit, you no good sherlock!
If you come anywhere NEAR me
With your intention of fear and pain
I WILL, repeat WILL kick your ass.
Buster, you’d better be scared.
I will sure as hell break in my gloves.
I am a woman ready for battle.
You can no longer hurt me ever again.
I am a survivor of rape.
And I will NOT be silenced.
You lose, either way.
You are fucked, either way.
And I pray with every ounce of my being
That the next woman you harm reports your ass.
It won’t be likely…. you just have a way of manipulation.
“This won’t happen again.”
No fucking shit, you no good sherlock!
If you come anywhere NEAR me
With your intention of fear and pain
I WILL, repeat WILL kick your ass.
Buster, you’d better be scared.
I will sure as hell break in my gloves.
I am a woman ready for battle.
You can no longer hurt me ever again.
I am a survivor of rape.
And I will NOT be silenced.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Hell and Back...
I have been through hell and back. I have nightmares. I have uncontrolled emotions, and hatred running through my blood. I want the fucking bastard to be found, and apprehended. I don't want to remain a victim. RAPE is never wanted by any woman, myself included. God, if I found him right now, I would do sooo many things to him, and he'd be a dead man. I need to breathe. I need to remind myself that it wasn't my fault, and that he's a coward that has no balls. I am not alone. I can't get the thought of him out of my mind. I need a hug. I need a friend by my side. I need to face what happened to me with a positive attitude, and thank the LORD that I am still alive to this day. I was taken advantage of. No means NO, God damn it!!! I'm sorry. I had to vent. I'm done. Time for some sleep, and prayer. :)
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Pain....
Just fucking sucks. (Sorry for the language, but wow!)
I'm not going to lie. I can't even use any other words to describe it. Some days I'm completely fine... others, it's like I've entered into the fiery pits of hell on earth. Not quite pleasant, that's for sure. Oh God, it's times like this when I need to write!!! Seriously- not just journal writing, but any of the stories that I've started or am working on. I could re-write "A Historic Love," and I think that I'm going to do just that. It needs major editing. :) It'll distract my mind.
I'm way too tired to keep on complaining. I'm sorry everyone- it's just a nightly rant and let-go of emotions. No one set me up for this roller-coaster ride!
Loves,
-WRB
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Update of the Month! Yes- Finally, An Update!
Hey everyone!
I know that I haven't posted in about forever and a day, and I apologize for that! Life is starting to get cra-zyyyy. :) (In a good way of course)!
This blog was first intended to keep ya all updated on my dad's health before he passed away, but now it's become more of a... personal blog per say. I'll change the title if it comes to that point... or I just may keep it- I don't know yet. BUT, it's going to be updated as much as possible.
I also have a second blog that I also haven't updated in like, ever- but once college starts on the 19th, I'll be posting on here, and there as well. :) Here's the link to follow: http://bandaspiegirl.blogspot.com
That was my college blog until everything went... pretty downhill with the cancer diagnosis and all- so I just may be using this now that I think about it- but you should follow that one anyway; because if this doesn't post,t hen I'll be posting there. PLUS, you can read some of my posts from back in HIGH SCHOOL, of all embarrassing things. :)
Anyway, that's all for now, folks! Talk to y'all later!
-WRB
I know that I haven't posted in about forever and a day, and I apologize for that! Life is starting to get cra-zyyyy. :) (In a good way of course)!
This blog was first intended to keep ya all updated on my dad's health before he passed away, but now it's become more of a... personal blog per say. I'll change the title if it comes to that point... or I just may keep it- I don't know yet. BUT, it's going to be updated as much as possible.
I also have a second blog that I also haven't updated in like, ever- but once college starts on the 19th, I'll be posting on here, and there as well. :) Here's the link to follow: http://bandaspiegirl.blogspot.com
That was my college blog until everything went... pretty downhill with the cancer diagnosis and all- so I just may be using this now that I think about it- but you should follow that one anyway; because if this doesn't post,t hen I'll be posting there. PLUS, you can read some of my posts from back in HIGH SCHOOL, of all embarrassing things. :)
Anyway, that's all for now, folks! Talk to y'all later!
-WRB
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